Sadly, some of us singers get a little complacent with our technique, our instrument, and our habits as we get older.
Here are some tips if you want to sound like that singer who has lost it and hasn’t realized that they need to find it.
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How to sound like a lot of cringe-worthy older singers whether or not you qualify for AARP membership:
Keep gaining weight until you don’t have the abdominal muscles to support your voice.
Get out of shape to the degree that your muscle memory thinks you are still buff and singing in tune but due to lack of muscle tone, your pitch is consistently a few cents flat.
Think that singing louder will allow you to sing higher.
Louder isn’t working? Try screaming.
Emphasize that husky lower register because you believe it’s sexy. By the way, it isn’t. Anyways, Tom Waits has already cornered that market.
Don’t think you have to practice and plan ahead in a song as to where you breath.
Never sing a long note without any vibrato.
Slouch.
Let your vowels go wide and flat.
Never change the key of a song. After all, you learned it thirty years ago and you still sound the same as you did back then, right?
Cut sustained notes too short with an added touch of slight pitch drop thrown in for good measure.
Never record yourself for analysis when you practice.
For that matter, never practice. After all, you’re a pro, right?
Sing ahead of the pocket because you’re subconsciously insecure about your sound. A guaranteed groove killer.
Don’t work on your upper register and blame your lost notes on your age.
Let whatever passaggio technique you had fade away by not practicing softly and undersanding your body. While your break point might change as you get older, the technique of shifting from one voice to another doesn’t.
Don’t learn any new material.
Think about your technique while you’re singing on a gig. That’s about as helpful as asking a golfer just as he about to hit the ball if he inhales or exhales as he swings. An exceptionally efficient buzzkill.
Refrain from using a microphone properly.
Never record yourself on a gig to check the quality of your singing the day after the gig.
And my personal favorite: add a wide vibrato to every note because you think it adds emotion while only providing evidence that you can’t support your notes.
If you want to sound ancient or like that pompous lady from your childhood who sat in the fifth pew, smothered herself in Chanel No.5, and embraced the rapture with every phrase, this will do the trick.
It is the vocal equivalent of serving Thanksgiving dinner to your guests but smothering everything on their plates with ketchup because it’s “your signature taste”.
Currently there are several rock/pop vocalists in their 60s and 70s doing the “Retirement Account Tour”. Many of their voices are basically shot due to overuse and misuse.
They are divided into two groups: those that continue to sing with no adjustments and those that cut back on their hubris intake and modified how they sing.
The thing the proactive ones have going for them is that they have embraced rephrasing their hits and learning how to deal with a general lack of energy and a growing overabundance of weight.
Like Lennon sang, “Whatever gets you through the night”.
Dig deep through Youtube and find their live performances – you’ll find the good, the bad, and the ugly of vocal sins.
Thankfully, the pros who know how to get through their material without embarrassing themselves so badly that they won’t cash the check are there to lead the way for the rest of us.
And remember, getting’ old ain’t for sissies – it’s just for singers.
Here are some tips if you want to sound like that singer who has lost it and hasn’t realized that they need to find it.
________________
How to sound like a lot of cringe-worthy older singers whether or not you qualify for AARP membership:
Keep gaining weight until you don’t have the abdominal muscles to support your voice.
Get out of shape to the degree that your muscle memory thinks you are still buff and singing in tune but due to lack of muscle tone, your pitch is consistently a few cents flat.
Think that singing louder will allow you to sing higher.
Louder isn’t working? Try screaming.
Emphasize that husky lower register because you believe it’s sexy. By the way, it isn’t. Anyways, Tom Waits has already cornered that market.
Don’t think you have to practice and plan ahead in a song as to where you breath.
Never sing a long note without any vibrato.
Slouch.
Let your vowels go wide and flat.
Never change the key of a song. After all, you learned it thirty years ago and you still sound the same as you did back then, right?
Cut sustained notes too short with an added touch of slight pitch drop thrown in for good measure.
Never record yourself for analysis when you practice.
For that matter, never practice. After all, you’re a pro, right?
Sing ahead of the pocket because you’re subconsciously insecure about your sound. A guaranteed groove killer.
Don’t work on your upper register and blame your lost notes on your age.
Let whatever passaggio technique you had fade away by not practicing softly and undersanding your body. While your break point might change as you get older, the technique of shifting from one voice to another doesn’t.
Don’t learn any new material.
Think about your technique while you’re singing on a gig. That’s about as helpful as asking a golfer just as he about to hit the ball if he inhales or exhales as he swings. An exceptionally efficient buzzkill.
Refrain from using a microphone properly.
Never record yourself on a gig to check the quality of your singing the day after the gig.
And my personal favorite: add a wide vibrato to every note because you think it adds emotion while only providing evidence that you can’t support your notes.
If you want to sound ancient or like that pompous lady from your childhood who sat in the fifth pew, smothered herself in Chanel No.5, and embraced the rapture with every phrase, this will do the trick.
It is the vocal equivalent of serving Thanksgiving dinner to your guests but smothering everything on their plates with ketchup because it’s “your signature taste”.
Currently there are several rock/pop vocalists in their 60s and 70s doing the “Retirement Account Tour”. Many of their voices are basically shot due to overuse and misuse.
They are divided into two groups: those that continue to sing with no adjustments and those that cut back on their hubris intake and modified how they sing.
The thing the proactive ones have going for them is that they have embraced rephrasing their hits and learning how to deal with a general lack of energy and a growing overabundance of weight.
Like Lennon sang, “Whatever gets you through the night”.
Dig deep through Youtube and find their live performances – you’ll find the good, the bad, and the ugly of vocal sins.
Thankfully, the pros who know how to get through their material without embarrassing themselves so badly that they won’t cash the check are there to lead the way for the rest of us.
And remember, getting’ old ain’t for sissies – it’s just for singers.
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